A woman, created after
man but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final
masterpiece. This however is not to compare a woman to a man or for that matter
belittle the role of men. I believe we are all unique in different ways. God
created man and woman to be different and unique not to compete but rather complement
each other.
In life today, you find so many women who have decided to be
the “other woman” to a man. They have taken up a role of playing second; this
could either mean that the man they are with is a married man or is in a very
serious relationship leading to marriage. What these other woman fail to
recognize is that they have chosen to take less than they deserve.
When a man decides to cheat, it’s mostly because there is a
woman out there who is willing to cheat with him. Men have varied reasons why
they cheat, either his wife or fiance lacks something or have stopped doing
something in particular that makes the man happy, or some men do it to satisfy
their own selfish ego, in this case the reason has very little to do
with the women in their lives. Interestingly what the “other woman” who jumps in
to fill this vacuum fails to recognize is that. The man is only looking for a
small piece which is missing at home, these accounts for less than 20% of what
a man looks out for in a woman. He searches for 20% 0r less because he has 80%
at home or in his fiancé. Any woman who chooses to be the “other woman” is only
good enough for something small and very disposable. Truth is he will never
leave the chosen woman in his life who has the 80% of all the qualities he
would ever need in a woman. She is his first choice and such a woman to him is
hard to come by.
Oftentimes, these men give a lot of lines to make this other
woman fill comfortable such as “well I
was forced to marry her because of …..” or “ I should have met you first” or “
I thought you were not ready for marriage” interesting reasons. But come to
think of It - it’s not too late is it? If he really means it, why hasn’t he
left her for you all these years? Face it dear he will never leave 80% for 20%. You can cook, clean, give him the best of sex but truth is, his
heart belongs to that one woman his first choice.
What worries me most in all of this its toll on you as a
woman. In such relationships whenever he tells you, things like “you are the best thing that ever happened
to me” or “I love you more” or “ You are the most beautiful woman I have ever
set my eyes on”, there would be that part of you that gives you a reason to
doubt him. You are then caught in the web of always questioning yourself and
wondering if he is telling you the truth. And in all of this, deep down you
know you deserve better. This has a negative impact on your self confidence. It is not
something any woman should take for granted. It breaks you down bit by bit
until you can’t hold your head up high anymore so long as you your conscience
is active. Gradually, the most drastic effect of them all is, you come to a
point where you turn to place yourself second in everything. You feel someone
else deserves better than you, you feel less qualified for some appointments
and favours. As a woman, you also turn to have trust issues; you turn to
distrust everyone around you. It has
ripple effect on your relationship with other people. What you fail to notice
is that these negative processes are so slow and oftentimes may even go
unnoticed. Before you notice the effects
it might just be too late. Note that”
who we have become today is because of the choices we made yesterday”.
A man who is not faithful enough to keep a promise he made
before God and a whole congregation of witnesses to his wife, is definitely not
someone you should trust to keep a promise to anyone else especially you. We
are warned to be as wise as the serpent, do not fall for his cunning ways. He
is only using you to satisfy his selfish desires. He didn’t make you his first
because you don’t come top on his list of women.
You were created to be someone’s first and not a photocopy
of another man’s partner. It’s ONE MAN
ONE WOMAN, the Creator made you special for one man who is definitely not
the one who has already been taken. You deserve a man who will put you first
above all others. One who will go
against all odds to walk you down the aisle. Choose to be someone’s number one because
that is the Creators original intention for you, don’t settle for less. There
is a man out there praying for God to bring you into his life, to him you will be
his 80% and he will value you more. You are an answer to someone’s prayer. Instead
of playing second role in another man’s world, focus on yourself. Serve God with all of you, get the best
of education, upgrade yourself, achieve all you can, while you wait for your very own Mr. Right to find you. The Bible says ‘he who
finds a wife fineth a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord’.
My Advice – If you are on a road to nowhere find
another road. Let him go because you need to deconstruct in order to
reconstruct. They only way for your Mr. Right to locate you is when you are not
busy chasing another woman’s own. If it’s about the money, well sweetheart all
the money in the world cannot buy you happiness. Oftentimes this cheap wealth
goes as fast as it comes because it is used on worthless things that create
more emptiness in your soul. And I quote “what shall it profit a man if he
gains the whole world and losses his soul”. Life is worth more than things and
all the money in the world. Don’t sell your priceless soul for silver or gold
you will be short changing yourself. At the end of life you would notice its
all vanity and a chase after the wind. You deserve better and were made for
better than this.
You maybe that one woman telling yourself right now “well the mistake has already been done and
I cannot undo it” Girlfriend hear me out, those who never made mistakes
never learnt anything and the sooner you make your first five thousand mistakes
the sooner you will be able to correct them. Get up dust yourself and get
going. Don’t live in the mistake of yesterday rather, let it give you a reason
to push some more and be better. The world needs to know your story and it
better be one of victory and not of defeat. Our greatest weakness lies in
giving up but the most certain way to succeed is always to try one more time. You
must survive to tell your story.
Often, the opinion of people who know your past is one of
the greatest obstacles to moving on. Don’t let the opinions of people around
you especially those who call you ‘husband snatcher’, ‘gold digger’ ,
‘prostitute’ , ‘percher’ or any other name discourage you and make you stay
that way. Let them call you all sort of names so long as it is in your past.
Truth is whatever you do good or bad people will still talk. Do not let your
peace depend on the hearts of men; whatever they say about you, good or bad,
you are not because of it another man, for as you are, you are. Let the noise
of their opinion give you a reason to want to be better. You don’t necessarily
have to prove anything to them because they are not God and cannot have the
final say about your life. He is the God of a second, third, fourth and
hundredth chance, not that we should take advantage of his mercy but just so
you know he never writes anyone off and never gives up on us. You are one of
his masterpieces and like the gold smith he is never done with taking you true
fire, polishing you until he sees his reflection in you. Daughter you can make it
because buried deep down within you is the spirit of excellence tap into it and
go for pure gold.
BY: BEKINA MIREKUAH MENSAH
